A General Title with a few Sub-Points
My activities, thoughts and occurences for the past few days:
Laundry
I cycled to a laundromat close to my place to get my clothes washed and dried. Guess what? It took an hour and a half to do it. What did i do to keep myself entertained? Luckily my "friend" came along, if not i would've been dead bored, "he's" the only friend that follows me everywhere these days, and provides me with entertainment one way or the other---my iPod. The laundromat is situated in this run-down building with old offices and shop lots out to let, dust flying everywhere, a coffee shop with no business(can tell) and hardly anyone in it... So i was so bored and all the while having to look out for suspicious people cos there's 3 different entrances to this place. Gees... what a headache. Chairs and a couch was supplied for customers to sit on while waiting, but it looked old and tarnished, just gross... So i stood the whole time. The washing took about half an hour, then the drying took another 40mins. And when i took the clothes and towels out, most of them were only half-dry. What a waste of money, should have just took it all back and put it out in the sun. But the problem was that school ended late that day, round 3pm, by the time i got home, it was 3.15pm, and by the time i got everything tied to the rack on the back of my bike, and cycled there, it was already 3.40pm. And by the time everything was done(the washing and drying), it was already 4.50pm. So by the time i tied everything to the rack of my bike again and cycled downhill, the sun would already be setting, plus the past few days, there was rain, so i was doubtful. When i got back with my half-dried clothes, i still hung them on the clothes line in the open and went to prepare dinner.
Cleaning my room
I have so far, cleaned my room once. By this i mean i have used a cloth(that my mom bought), wet it and wiped the dust off stuff in my room. Gross!! My dad told me to close the windows when i leave for school in the morning cos there's construction going on nearby and the dust flies in during the day. I have since been doing that, hopefully i won't have to clean my room too often.
Things that remind me of people, specifically, my parents
God!!! Why does adapting to something new have to be SO HARD!!! Argh!!! I can recall after my parents left(it's been a week, so far), and it was the first time i had to prepare my own dinner the next day(lunch was at school, i was with friends, so i didn't feel lonely), there were still carrots, onions and apples in the fridge, so i decided to make myself a salad(my parents also bought me thousand island dressing and french dressing). I remember cutting up the veggies and fruits and all the while thinking about what my mom said,"we got you two chopping boards, the one in the room is for veggies and fruits, the one in the cupboard in the kitchen is for meat," and i started crying while i was cutting stuff, the tears were clouding my vision and i was holding a knife!! So i immediately told myself that crying could get my fingers chopped off, and that crying never helped anyone, and sort of forced myself to stop crying... and i did. Thinking about it still makes me cry, i guess i did "get over it" in general, but i'm not totally "over it" yet. And it's hard. These things take time i guess.
My main point here is that when i'm alone, especially at home(with the Indonesian couple), mainly just alone, my head starts to think about things in the past, the memories and what my parents said and this all just gets my tap going, a tap that i clog forcefully because in this kind of situation, where you don't know anyone well enough to blurt out your feelings and confide and cry on their shoulder, you learn to self console and to control yourself. I'm not saying it's the best way, but it is a solution, and it's very difficult to stop yourself from crying without any words of encouragement from other people. Just think about it for a second and you'll get what i mean.
Examples are:
When i drink beer or a bacardi from the fridge, i think of my dad, which in turn leads to how much i miss him and how much i miss drinking with him. And our times in Gold Coast. Or when i see my Asics shoes, i'll think of my dad helping me wash them, and the cupboard we built together.... stuff like that.
When i see bacon(that's still in the fridge now), the sponge(for washing dishes), the toaster or the boxes of cereal, they remind me of my mom and what she sorted out and arranged nicely for my convenience. And every night when i wash my face with Simple, i do it for my mom. And putting on sunscreen makes me think of her advice on skincare, the bowls and plates, my bed sheets and blue blanket(they bought for me) and things like that. Thinking about Gold Coast also gets me.
And when i'm in the city with my friends, and we walk on the same streets that my parents and i used to walk on or pass by the cinemas my parents and i watched movies at or walk by shops in shopping malls that my parents and i visited, it gets me thinking of them and feel sad. But luckily during these times that i'm with my friends, i don't start getting teary, because i don't cry or breakdown in public. It's a No No for me....
These past nights i've been sleeping on the floor, 1. Cos it's cooler, 2. Cos it reminds me of the time my parents were here(just a week ago) and i'd let them sleep on the bed.
It's all the little things that remind me of them. I'll get used to it slowly, i know i will.
This is the reason why i always try to keep myself occupied, be it school work, listening to music, watching tv or movies. As long as my mind is thinking about something else, i won't be thinking about how so very alone i feel(by this i don't mean lonely in the sense that i don't have friends, because i do, but this is ONLY at school) which will lead me to think of people i miss, in particular, my parents. So this usually happens when i'm in the kitchen preparing dinner/lunch(only weekends) or when i'm in my room and not doing anything(i'm not watchin tv, having dinner/doing homework). Tough.
Panic Attacks
On Friday(10th March,2006) and just yesterday(Sunday, 12th March, 2006) i took naps, and when i woke up i was in a state of panic. Don't ask me why, i don't know!! On Friday, it was around 6 something pm that i woke up and my heart was racing really fast and i started itching all over and felt like crying, it was really scary. What was i feeling? I felt lost, disorientated and confused, like the night my parents left for the airport. I think it was because i missed my parents and also partly cos i had many assignments coming and homework due the following week(the week i'm in now, week 3, here, they go by weeks and don't use specific dates, i don't know why, but it's just that way, my 1st sem ends after exams in week 13, that's 10 weeks away!! Yikes). The 2nd time, which was yesterday(Sunday), i awoke at 8.30am and started preparing breakfast, cos i was hungry and then did Comm1 homework and revised a bit of Econs1, then i felt sleepy, so i decided to take a nap before lunch. When i woke up, it was another panic attack, but i wasn't as bad as the first one, this time i didn't feel itchy all over.
So, advice to myself is not to take naps, period.
Rats/The Silent Ones, a.k.a. my flatmates, the Indonesian couple, aged 50 and above
I don't mean to be disrespectful when i say rats, but it is true, they go about their daily activities really quietly that sometimes i feel like i'm living alone. They don't make much noise when they're at home either. I find it weird. The only time I've heard them speak loudly was last night when i was in the shower, when i came out of the shower, they were still speaking loudly to each other, louder than usual and in Indonesian. I could catch a few words similar to Malay ones, like bayar which means pay, and immediately i thought that maybe they're discussing how they should ask me to pay more or if they should increase my rent, possibly cos i take a long time in the shower and use up a lot of water... I don't know, this is just a guess. We'll see, only time will tell.
They can't communicate well in English too, so it's really hard to talk to them, especially Ali(the husband of Djenta). And when i speak Malay, they prefer to answer me in English. WEIRD!!! I'm only trying to make it easier!!! Anyways, that's how it is.
That's all I can think of now, plus it's 6.30pm, and this area my com labs are in are really creepy and dark. So i'd better start walking home. I'll elaborate more on my previous experiences about coming to the com lab around noon and going home at night when i get the chance and time.
Laundry
I cycled to a laundromat close to my place to get my clothes washed and dried. Guess what? It took an hour and a half to do it. What did i do to keep myself entertained? Luckily my "friend" came along, if not i would've been dead bored, "he's" the only friend that follows me everywhere these days, and provides me with entertainment one way or the other---my iPod. The laundromat is situated in this run-down building with old offices and shop lots out to let, dust flying everywhere, a coffee shop with no business(can tell) and hardly anyone in it... So i was so bored and all the while having to look out for suspicious people cos there's 3 different entrances to this place. Gees... what a headache. Chairs and a couch was supplied for customers to sit on while waiting, but it looked old and tarnished, just gross... So i stood the whole time. The washing took about half an hour, then the drying took another 40mins. And when i took the clothes and towels out, most of them were only half-dry. What a waste of money, should have just took it all back and put it out in the sun. But the problem was that school ended late that day, round 3pm, by the time i got home, it was 3.15pm, and by the time i got everything tied to the rack on the back of my bike, and cycled there, it was already 3.40pm. And by the time everything was done(the washing and drying), it was already 4.50pm. So by the time i tied everything to the rack of my bike again and cycled downhill, the sun would already be setting, plus the past few days, there was rain, so i was doubtful. When i got back with my half-dried clothes, i still hung them on the clothes line in the open and went to prepare dinner.
Cleaning my room
I have so far, cleaned my room once. By this i mean i have used a cloth(that my mom bought), wet it and wiped the dust off stuff in my room. Gross!! My dad told me to close the windows when i leave for school in the morning cos there's construction going on nearby and the dust flies in during the day. I have since been doing that, hopefully i won't have to clean my room too often.
Things that remind me of people, specifically, my parents
God!!! Why does adapting to something new have to be SO HARD!!! Argh!!! I can recall after my parents left(it's been a week, so far), and it was the first time i had to prepare my own dinner the next day(lunch was at school, i was with friends, so i didn't feel lonely), there were still carrots, onions and apples in the fridge, so i decided to make myself a salad(my parents also bought me thousand island dressing and french dressing). I remember cutting up the veggies and fruits and all the while thinking about what my mom said,"we got you two chopping boards, the one in the room is for veggies and fruits, the one in the cupboard in the kitchen is for meat," and i started crying while i was cutting stuff, the tears were clouding my vision and i was holding a knife!! So i immediately told myself that crying could get my fingers chopped off, and that crying never helped anyone, and sort of forced myself to stop crying... and i did. Thinking about it still makes me cry, i guess i did "get over it" in general, but i'm not totally "over it" yet. And it's hard. These things take time i guess.
My main point here is that when i'm alone, especially at home(with the Indonesian couple), mainly just alone, my head starts to think about things in the past, the memories and what my parents said and this all just gets my tap going, a tap that i clog forcefully because in this kind of situation, where you don't know anyone well enough to blurt out your feelings and confide and cry on their shoulder, you learn to self console and to control yourself. I'm not saying it's the best way, but it is a solution, and it's very difficult to stop yourself from crying without any words of encouragement from other people. Just think about it for a second and you'll get what i mean.
Examples are:
When i drink beer or a bacardi from the fridge, i think of my dad, which in turn leads to how much i miss him and how much i miss drinking with him. And our times in Gold Coast. Or when i see my Asics shoes, i'll think of my dad helping me wash them, and the cupboard we built together.... stuff like that.
When i see bacon(that's still in the fridge now), the sponge(for washing dishes), the toaster or the boxes of cereal, they remind me of my mom and what she sorted out and arranged nicely for my convenience. And every night when i wash my face with Simple, i do it for my mom. And putting on sunscreen makes me think of her advice on skincare, the bowls and plates, my bed sheets and blue blanket(they bought for me) and things like that. Thinking about Gold Coast also gets me.
And when i'm in the city with my friends, and we walk on the same streets that my parents and i used to walk on or pass by the cinemas my parents and i watched movies at or walk by shops in shopping malls that my parents and i visited, it gets me thinking of them and feel sad. But luckily during these times that i'm with my friends, i don't start getting teary, because i don't cry or breakdown in public. It's a No No for me....
These past nights i've been sleeping on the floor, 1. Cos it's cooler, 2. Cos it reminds me of the time my parents were here(just a week ago) and i'd let them sleep on the bed.
It's all the little things that remind me of them. I'll get used to it slowly, i know i will.
This is the reason why i always try to keep myself occupied, be it school work, listening to music, watching tv or movies. As long as my mind is thinking about something else, i won't be thinking about how so very alone i feel(by this i don't mean lonely in the sense that i don't have friends, because i do, but this is ONLY at school) which will lead me to think of people i miss, in particular, my parents. So this usually happens when i'm in the kitchen preparing dinner/lunch(only weekends) or when i'm in my room and not doing anything(i'm not watchin tv, having dinner/doing homework). Tough.
Panic Attacks
On Friday(10th March,2006) and just yesterday(Sunday, 12th March, 2006) i took naps, and when i woke up i was in a state of panic. Don't ask me why, i don't know!! On Friday, it was around 6 something pm that i woke up and my heart was racing really fast and i started itching all over and felt like crying, it was really scary. What was i feeling? I felt lost, disorientated and confused, like the night my parents left for the airport. I think it was because i missed my parents and also partly cos i had many assignments coming and homework due the following week(the week i'm in now, week 3, here, they go by weeks and don't use specific dates, i don't know why, but it's just that way, my 1st sem ends after exams in week 13, that's 10 weeks away!! Yikes). The 2nd time, which was yesterday(Sunday), i awoke at 8.30am and started preparing breakfast, cos i was hungry and then did Comm1 homework and revised a bit of Econs1, then i felt sleepy, so i decided to take a nap before lunch. When i woke up, it was another panic attack, but i wasn't as bad as the first one, this time i didn't feel itchy all over.
So, advice to myself is not to take naps, period.
Rats/The Silent Ones, a.k.a. my flatmates, the Indonesian couple, aged 50 and above
I don't mean to be disrespectful when i say rats, but it is true, they go about their daily activities really quietly that sometimes i feel like i'm living alone. They don't make much noise when they're at home either. I find it weird. The only time I've heard them speak loudly was last night when i was in the shower, when i came out of the shower, they were still speaking loudly to each other, louder than usual and in Indonesian. I could catch a few words similar to Malay ones, like bayar which means pay, and immediately i thought that maybe they're discussing how they should ask me to pay more or if they should increase my rent, possibly cos i take a long time in the shower and use up a lot of water... I don't know, this is just a guess. We'll see, only time will tell.
They can't communicate well in English too, so it's really hard to talk to them, especially Ali(the husband of Djenta). And when i speak Malay, they prefer to answer me in English. WEIRD!!! I'm only trying to make it easier!!! Anyways, that's how it is.
That's all I can think of now, plus it's 6.30pm, and this area my com labs are in are really creepy and dark. So i'd better start walking home. I'll elaborate more on my previous experiences about coming to the com lab around noon and going home at night when i get the chance and time.
posted by My life in Brisbane, if you care... at 3/13/2006 05:13:00 PM
1 Comments:
Yeah, one chopping board for meat and another for veges. Its good kitchen pratice. Cuz the chopping board for meat is normally flooded with bacteria. So you don't want them in ur fresh salads do you?.. unless you want to add some zing to it ;) haha... bloody helicopters been flying over the sky for hours.. kinda have a copterphobia now... the sound of the blades.. arghhh
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