Dear God, Please Grant me Tolerance
"It's like, mom, i have stuff to do, i have work, i have uni, i've just been through a break-up with James, Simone, my best friend is treating me like shit, Benson is scoring higher marks than me, but it was all me, I mean, i helped him, it's like 80% me and him, but 20% all me, you know what i mean? Yeah, I'm just sick of everyone treating me like shit, Jamie. Just sick of it. Yeah, and my mom doesn't stop calling me. It's like mom!! I know you want to hang out but I'm a busy person, she just doesn't understand that!"
"But she's your mom, she loves you, it's cute that she wants to hang out." (I say with a headache after she calls my name as i get onto the 345 bus, heading home at 6.30pm, after spending the previous night at Shai's place, where everyone drank but i didn't, and we slept at 6am. I am lacking sleep as i can barely keep my eyes open, am in no mood to listen to her rants and her life, and am having a throbbing headache. But i still sit next to her, cos it would be wrong not too, and offensive too.)
"But Jamie, you don't understand! (high-pitched) Your parents are more lenient with you, you don't know my parents! I told you some things before! Not the full story, but you know some parts of it. My mom is soooo full-on (Aus slang: means in-your-face), it really bugs me! And she doesn't understand that she has to let me live my life and not call me every morning or call to ask to hang out and come over, and i can hardly get any sleep, because i need to call a cab for her like 5 times because she thinks that they won't come. I'm just so sick of it!"
I do not turn to face her on my left, but i just stare straight ahead, with my eyelids almost rolling over my eyes and my head still aching. "Yeah"
"And Simone, left me alone in the city again after she just yells at me for not going with her to this class on how to help the vision impaired. And i'm like, Simone, i have exams next week, and rather than going to this workshop, which i don't really need, since i don't know anyone who's vision impaired, i'd really rather be home studying. And she starts screaming at me, IN PUBLIC, and WALKS OFF, and i'm just over it (Aussie slang: I don't care anymore). Just over it. She's supposed to be my best friend, and she's supposed to understand, but after she turned all CHRISTIAN, she expects everyone to be like her or change for it. It's just not fair, and she's telling me not to judge people, when she's judging me, what a HYPOCRITE! Know what i mean? I'm just so tired of people treating me like shit."
"Oh, that's bad." (I say, still facing the front and not looking at her) At this point, the couple sitting in front of us, who were hugging and pinching each other's faces and ears and running their fingers through each other's hair has stopped doing all that, and are sitting quietly, listening and partially annoyed, by Shirl's loud, high-pitched, irritating voice. The lady then reaches into her bag while looking over her shoulder, in a very obvious way, to see who this person is, then she turns her head to me, which at this point, am still staring straight ahead. Moments later, the Aussie girl sitting to my right, across the floor, on the other side of the bus, turns her head, to take a glimpse of the girl who can't stop talking. Ah... I'm not the only who can't stand it. At least i'm not alone. But, gees, how embarrassing. She doesn't even realize people are staring at her. Then her phone rings.
"Kawa... sok ni dehn... bla bla bla in Thai....Wawa wa... (high pitched)" (It's her mom. Definitely. Then she hangs up and continues.)
"Yeah, and Benson, i helped him out with the online test today, which i got hundred percent, YAY!! (smiles broadly, then goes back to bitching) Yeah, he got hundred percent too, i'm so happy today because of that, like, cos i studied really hard and so i did well, YAY! (for the second time). Yeah, but i did badly last time cos i got shit questions, i got 3/5 last time remember? like i told you? Yeah, only 60%, and Benson got 100% for his that time, cos i helped him, remember like i told you. But yeah, if it wasn't for me arguing with him about some questions and always looking over his shoulder, changing the wrong answers for him, he wouldn't be going into the finals with a 100%, and he knows that. He's said to me before. Yeah, but i just think it's so unfair how, i know i'm smart okay, i study so hard, and then i just get shit questions, and BENSON, whom i help all the time, gets a 100%! But, i don't want you to think any less of me Jamie, i'm happy for him, but it's just not fair, and i love my parents, but they just drive me crazy... (pauses, looks at me) I'm feeling really weird, ay (Aussie slang for hey), i'm talking and you're not looking at me, like, yeah. Like you're just looking straight ahead and yeah, i feel weird just talking when you're not looking at me."
"Yeah, i'm sorry, i just have a really bad headache, and i can't keep turning my head. Sorry, keep going, i'm listening."
"Yeah, well, I'm just in a very negative mood now, sorry, you're having a headache and i'm just talking to you. But yeah, my life is shit right now, so sick of people treating me like shit, my mom, Simone, James (ex), my dad, work. Yeah, just over it."
IN MY HEAD: I get it. Must you always repeat everything you say?
So we get off at the bus stop across Red Rooster's and we start walking home, the whole time, her "za dia" voice accompanying my headache, just the worst ever feeling. I must have done something really bad... cos i believe in karma, and i don't know what i did.
When we get home, she sits at the dining table chair... so of course, she expects me to sit with her. Imagine all that dialogue... i mean that monologue, with magnified emotions, incessant ramblings of how shitty she thinks her life is and the occasional crying for another one and a half hours. It's like... DUDE! STOP ALREADY! I'M NOT YOUR BLOODY THERAPIST! I typed the first half of this post a week or so ago, and didn't post it, cos i wasn't done. So... yesterday, it happened again.
But this time i was forewarned, she called me while she was at the bus stop, which is like 5 mins walk away... asking me if i had an extra contact lens case... of course i did, so i told her where it was... in the toilet... and she told me "yeah, i'll be back soon, you at home?"
"Yeah," I reply.
"I need to talk (in the most cheerful voice ever)?"
I go in my head, "shit, shouldn't have said i was home," then say, "come again?"
She says, to my dread, "yeah, i just need to talk."
OMG!!! Here we go!!! And this time it was 2 hours... cos she knows i'm on holiday... Yeah, if only i had a job to keep me away from home... Oh, after that session, she actually said, "yeah, i know you're not my therapist, but, thanks for spending time with me."
"You don't have to thank me," I said.
I learn a lot from her stories... and it makes me a smarter person, not as in IQ smart, but street-wise type smart... at least i'd like to think so. She has given me so many more reasons why clubbing is crap. Haha... And why girls shouldn't trust guys so easily. Yeah... that's about it... The rest about how her family is crap... I wouldn't know. Cos i like mine. And how her friends are not there for her and stuff... I wouldn't know either. But i try to empathize.
I've realized, after a lot of thinking that it's not her stories that i dislike listening to, it's her habit of repeating everything. THAT's what really annoys me. Oh... and how she asks me for my opinion and then cuts in with this classic line, "but Jamie... you don't understand... it's easy for you to say." And all the while i'm just thinking, next time i'll shut up or say, "i don't know".
If you would really like to know what it's like to listen to her bitching about other people (which is what i do as well, i admit), i'd like to ask for a vote from you guys who are reading. Cos i have a tape recorder and tapes. Haha... Joking. It'd be a waste of my tapes man... But it would really give you a taste. Hmm...
Yeah, anyways, thanks for reading and thanks for caring!
"But she's your mom, she loves you, it's cute that she wants to hang out." (I say with a headache after she calls my name as i get onto the 345 bus, heading home at 6.30pm, after spending the previous night at Shai's place, where everyone drank but i didn't, and we slept at 6am. I am lacking sleep as i can barely keep my eyes open, am in no mood to listen to her rants and her life, and am having a throbbing headache. But i still sit next to her, cos it would be wrong not too, and offensive too.)
"But Jamie, you don't understand! (high-pitched) Your parents are more lenient with you, you don't know my parents! I told you some things before! Not the full story, but you know some parts of it. My mom is soooo full-on (Aus slang: means in-your-face), it really bugs me! And she doesn't understand that she has to let me live my life and not call me every morning or call to ask to hang out and come over, and i can hardly get any sleep, because i need to call a cab for her like 5 times because she thinks that they won't come. I'm just so sick of it!"
I do not turn to face her on my left, but i just stare straight ahead, with my eyelids almost rolling over my eyes and my head still aching. "Yeah"
"And Simone, left me alone in the city again after she just yells at me for not going with her to this class on how to help the vision impaired. And i'm like, Simone, i have exams next week, and rather than going to this workshop, which i don't really need, since i don't know anyone who's vision impaired, i'd really rather be home studying. And she starts screaming at me, IN PUBLIC, and WALKS OFF, and i'm just over it (Aussie slang: I don't care anymore). Just over it. She's supposed to be my best friend, and she's supposed to understand, but after she turned all CHRISTIAN, she expects everyone to be like her or change for it. It's just not fair, and she's telling me not to judge people, when she's judging me, what a HYPOCRITE! Know what i mean? I'm just so tired of people treating me like shit."
"Oh, that's bad." (I say, still facing the front and not looking at her) At this point, the couple sitting in front of us, who were hugging and pinching each other's faces and ears and running their fingers through each other's hair has stopped doing all that, and are sitting quietly, listening and partially annoyed, by Shirl's loud, high-pitched, irritating voice. The lady then reaches into her bag while looking over her shoulder, in a very obvious way, to see who this person is, then she turns her head to me, which at this point, am still staring straight ahead. Moments later, the Aussie girl sitting to my right, across the floor, on the other side of the bus, turns her head, to take a glimpse of the girl who can't stop talking. Ah... I'm not the only who can't stand it. At least i'm not alone. But, gees, how embarrassing. She doesn't even realize people are staring at her. Then her phone rings.
"Kawa... sok ni dehn... bla bla bla in Thai....Wawa wa... (high pitched)" (It's her mom. Definitely. Then she hangs up and continues.)
"Yeah, and Benson, i helped him out with the online test today, which i got hundred percent, YAY!! (smiles broadly, then goes back to bitching) Yeah, he got hundred percent too, i'm so happy today because of that, like, cos i studied really hard and so i did well, YAY! (for the second time). Yeah, but i did badly last time cos i got shit questions, i got 3/5 last time remember? like i told you? Yeah, only 60%, and Benson got 100% for his that time, cos i helped him, remember like i told you. But yeah, if it wasn't for me arguing with him about some questions and always looking over his shoulder, changing the wrong answers for him, he wouldn't be going into the finals with a 100%, and he knows that. He's said to me before. Yeah, but i just think it's so unfair how, i know i'm smart okay, i study so hard, and then i just get shit questions, and BENSON, whom i help all the time, gets a 100%! But, i don't want you to think any less of me Jamie, i'm happy for him, but it's just not fair, and i love my parents, but they just drive me crazy... (pauses, looks at me) I'm feeling really weird, ay (Aussie slang for hey), i'm talking and you're not looking at me, like, yeah. Like you're just looking straight ahead and yeah, i feel weird just talking when you're not looking at me."
"Yeah, i'm sorry, i just have a really bad headache, and i can't keep turning my head. Sorry, keep going, i'm listening."
"Yeah, well, I'm just in a very negative mood now, sorry, you're having a headache and i'm just talking to you. But yeah, my life is shit right now, so sick of people treating me like shit, my mom, Simone, James (ex), my dad, work. Yeah, just over it."
IN MY HEAD: I get it. Must you always repeat everything you say?
So we get off at the bus stop across Red Rooster's and we start walking home, the whole time, her "za dia" voice accompanying my headache, just the worst ever feeling. I must have done something really bad... cos i believe in karma, and i don't know what i did.
When we get home, she sits at the dining table chair... so of course, she expects me to sit with her. Imagine all that dialogue... i mean that monologue, with magnified emotions, incessant ramblings of how shitty she thinks her life is and the occasional crying for another one and a half hours. It's like... DUDE! STOP ALREADY! I'M NOT YOUR BLOODY THERAPIST! I typed the first half of this post a week or so ago, and didn't post it, cos i wasn't done. So... yesterday, it happened again.
But this time i was forewarned, she called me while she was at the bus stop, which is like 5 mins walk away... asking me if i had an extra contact lens case... of course i did, so i told her where it was... in the toilet... and she told me "yeah, i'll be back soon, you at home?"
"Yeah," I reply.
"I need to talk (in the most cheerful voice ever)?"
I go in my head, "shit, shouldn't have said i was home," then say, "come again?"
She says, to my dread, "yeah, i just need to talk."
OMG!!! Here we go!!! And this time it was 2 hours... cos she knows i'm on holiday... Yeah, if only i had a job to keep me away from home... Oh, after that session, she actually said, "yeah, i know you're not my therapist, but, thanks for spending time with me."
"You don't have to thank me," I said.
I learn a lot from her stories... and it makes me a smarter person, not as in IQ smart, but street-wise type smart... at least i'd like to think so. She has given me so many more reasons why clubbing is crap. Haha... And why girls shouldn't trust guys so easily. Yeah... that's about it... The rest about how her family is crap... I wouldn't know. Cos i like mine. And how her friends are not there for her and stuff... I wouldn't know either. But i try to empathize.
I've realized, after a lot of thinking that it's not her stories that i dislike listening to, it's her habit of repeating everything. THAT's what really annoys me. Oh... and how she asks me for my opinion and then cuts in with this classic line, "but Jamie... you don't understand... it's easy for you to say." And all the while i'm just thinking, next time i'll shut up or say, "i don't know".
If you would really like to know what it's like to listen to her bitching about other people (which is what i do as well, i admit), i'd like to ask for a vote from you guys who are reading. Cos i have a tape recorder and tapes. Haha... Joking. It'd be a waste of my tapes man... But it would really give you a taste. Hmm...
Yeah, anyways, thanks for reading and thanks for caring!
posted by My life in Brisbane, if you care... at 10/15/2006 03:07:00 PM
7 Comments:
in the middle of all aussie slang suddenly Khawa sokh nhi Denh. hahaha. it was funny.meaning?...
i think its okay for you to express, to her, your disinterest towards her pledging for sympathy by now, rather than experimenting with your own patience.
That is very interesting I must say.. =D
Least I can say is, at least be grateful with your housemate. To come to think of it, at least she doesn’t steal, doesn’t mess up the place (or maybe she does) and expect you to clean up after her…
James 1:2
“My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking is nothing.”
Let it be a task you learn on how to deal with yourself the hard way ... I have a friend here you keeps repeating the same old jokes and lines all the time. Sometimes I get so bored I just smile at him when he says the same thing over and over again... but to come think of it, at least he is no bad guy.. people might call him a loser cuz of his repetitive attitude of lines from comedians.. But oh well. at least he is always in a happy mood.
Yeah, so far, she hasn't stolen anything. But only last night i found out that she took the can opener to her office and left it there. Cos she knocked on my door asking if i had another one. I was a bit shocked that she'd take things without telling me. It's not called stealing though, more like borrowing without asking. Yes, messes things up and expects me to clean it. She does actually, just this morning, although she sms-ed me last night saying she'll clean it up, i cleaned it anyways, was getting in the way of me and my dishes. She clogged the kitchen sink with macaroni and the tomato based sauce (don't worry there was a strainer). Gosh... And her make up or mascara (is that how you spell?) gets everywhere... on the switches in the bathroom and the side of the door. And few days ago, she left early in the morning for work, but when i got up to use the toilet, there was a toilet roll IN the toilet bowl... I used a pair of wooden chopsticks to pick it out. Ew... Then threw both things away. Yes, i gladly accept this "test of tolerance", i haven't burst out yet, so i think i'm taking it pretty well.
I remember cos of her voice, her tone and repetition. It is imprinted into my memory and will stay there for a considerable amount of time.
ui, i was thinking the same as laysan when i was reading ur blog just now.. u really can remember all the lines man..haha!!i was lol when i was reading , even my mom asked me tat wat happen..HAHA!
Thanks Kak, some good advice there. I don't know, maybe living alone would be much better. I keep to myself most of the time anyway. But after awhile i could get lonely. Can't really say, cos i've only experienced living alone for a week (while i was looking for a flatmate).
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